But she still looks pretty doesn't she

I guess this is a follow on from Ragdoll, it's almost 5am...

But she still looks pretty doesn't she

How I feel in the mirror a measure of my worth to him. How much confidence I could have to leave. As playful as a child magnifying an ant in the sunlight. Oh how I burn and seethe. Fire comes as water. With only a pathetic singular tear that managed to crack the surface. Practice comes perfect. 

Here I am to change elements, to build and breathe my beautiful body. My arches and curves, contours and crooks, they're precious, an imprint of the earth. Cut from the cloth of my sister yet we are so different. And I love it, I love my body, it is all that I am. Yet I stand in the mirror and hate it so. How this flesh being touched could hurt my head, I'm so connected to it my only relief is sleep which comes so infrequent.

And you here trying to tear down my kingdom, I built this, I rule over it, it was given to me as a gift. A labour of my ancestors who made me, I come from life itself. But your touch burns me, it scolds my skin, I wasn't taught that love could be like this. I knew of the fleeting restlessness, a desperation to be close, loneliness when you're apart, but I didn't know it would be amplified so loud it screeches me awake. This love of ours each facet has been marred and scarred and I hold your hand because I know no other way of being this close to you and not. And I hate myself, your fingers interlocked with mine should be the sweetest feeling, but it's too much and it makes me sick, sick to my stomach that the thought of letting go. 

 Alone in the bed that I made, sheets I laundered and pulled into place, the thunder becomes soothing, the rain surrounding me like a wall, pitter pattering on the window like it knows we should be as one. You start to take the darkness and find your place in it. As a child everything is golden, happiness is a given and your pillars are set to the core of the earth and nothing will ever rock them. It's part of growing up, knowing these shift and crack with the rolling tides, the night time moon pulling and pushing. You let the darkness in, you learn how to deal with it and one day embrace it with open arms, just maybe not everyday..